Matt OsbornOn the DN33 Docket this week, we examine what seems to be a happening kind of town full of all the hijinks and shenanigans – Waukesha, Wisconsin, population ~75,000. Now I’ve never been to Waukesha – in fact, never been to Wisconsin. But if I did happen to find myself in Wisconsin, Waukesha is definitely where I’d like to find myself spending some time – as opposed to say, Manitowoc County.
So why Waukesha? Well, in the social media swamp known as Twitter, we found the wonderful account of the Waukesha Freeman, which is “your source for Waukesha County new since 1859.” Seems legit. And every few days, the account is kind enough to share some blotter entries from the town.
And boy are they gold! So if you’re on Twitter, go follow them. If not, well the Door is here for you. Every now and then, at the DN33 Docket, we’re gonna check in on the latest happenings in crime and mischief in the thriving metropolis of Waukesha County.
First off, we look back on January and February, when the world was still normal and everyone could still go to work, still go out to eat, and still get themselves into some weird handles.
For instance, on January 3rd, it sounds like somebody was still trying to get their stuff back from a wild amusement park-themed (apparently) New Year’s Eve party.
I really hope those shorts have since been recovered.
And then we have this fella who was speaking the truth and just wanting to tell folks about his furry friend.
A week later, there must have been snow. And I’m pretty sure if I lived there, I would have been driving either the SUV or tan car. I imagine this is the snow version of Back to the Future and both vehicles were being chased by Biff.
Next up, we’ve all been there.
And oh my goodness, who hasn’t fallen for this trick once or twice in their life.
Now look, I just watched that Bone Collector TV show and all the Ted Bundy stuff on Netflix. I’m not going to the basement either. Totally understandable right here.
Again, easy mistake to make.
Now, I like to think this dude was just doing his best John Cusack boombox impression from Say Anything. I may be wrong.
Annnnd, apparently they sell bushwhackers in Waukesha.
Ah, the dreaded butt-dial to 911 when you are talking about . . . nothin’, officer, I wasn’t talking about nothin’.
Note the time and day below. Justified?
Now I’m pretty sure this happened at least one or 50 times at Englewood Elementary back in the ’80s. And I really wish someone had a picture of this parent pickup line.
Pretty certain the one sister whose the child’s mother is bringing more for her sister whose babysitting than just a car seat.
This was a daily occurrence between me and my brother. Minus the police. Nice life-lesson advice there by the officer though.
REPENT! Those Packer fans and their rituals.
I had a neighbor who was a Packer fan once. Now I’m wondering if I ever saw any possums and goldfish.
And finally, we have a concerned citizen and a dedicated college student. And I’m having flashbacks to those railroad scenes in Footloose, Stand By Me, and Fried Green Tomatoes.
I love Waukesha already. I mean, not enough to go visit in January or February. But maybe when it gets warmer. And we can leave our house.
Stayed tuned for next week when we check out the month of March in Waukesha and see how the Waukeshans (might have just made that up) are handling quarantine.
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